Friends are a scare resource like oil or uranium. No matter what the expense, you should go wherever it takes to find them. And once you have them, you should fight wars to keep them safe.
While cleaning out my wallet, I saw that I’d kept a fortune cookie fortune that said: “From now on, your kindness will lead you to success.” I hope that’s applicable to everyone from now on.
New feature on VICE: Hipsters with poly sci degrees go to Kabul, Afghanistan: antagonize locals about their music tastes. Conclude article with how spiritually renewed they feel interacting with non-Western cultures.
Is your mind that barren and your soul that shallow that your favorite Mexican restaurant in San Diego is On The Border?
Dallas, TX: Brookstone at the Dallas airport sells personal, remote-controlled flying surveillance drones designed like the kind that do missile strikes. What kind of science fiction world is this where I can buy my own predator drone at the airport?
Bless you little hummingbird who lives near my office: the way you buzz around like God’s very own tiny remote-controlled helicopter
I’m convinced Tim Burton will produce any movie featuring a main character who wears a top hat, a pocket watch, or corpse paint.
I’d like to see an economics study that analyses how much the internet has increased the international demand for cute cat photos and what effect new technology has had on the supply of cat photography
Arizona: a great place to be…. As long as you’re not Mexican. Or a pregnant woman. Or Public Enemy.
Anaheim: it’s the Applebees of cities
Can someone please work on a Facebook political status update filter that works for the duration of 2012? All I want is more LOLcats, Lil’ B videos, and photos of my friend’s lunches. I don’t need to know how you feel about Newt Gingrich.
Slowed down and changed lanes to avoid driving over a banana peel in the road. I was afraid it might make me spin out like in Mario Kart.
What kind of unreasonable person impulse buys an ipad at a Best Buy express kiosk in an airport?
I propose a Tea Party versus Occupy Wall Street kickball game on the National Mall in Washington DC. The winner controls the Senate.